So okay, "23 Hours" was nominated for Best Picture, competing amongst films starring Billy Zane and Geoffrey Rush. Pretty high-caliber, wouldn't you say? David Stewart and Eric Thornett represented the film, traveling to the wilds of Syracuse, New York. The two brave men arrived at three in the morning and valiantly stayed at a scary hotel run by two guys getting drunk at the front counter. Their room was nicely decorated with cigarette burns and roaches. After leaning a chair up against the door and getting a good three hours of sleep, it was off to the fest!

Look, they made it! Luckily so, for they drove around aimlessly for an hour trying to find the theatre. The blame can all be laid at the filthy feet of Yahoo's crappy directions. Anyway, they made it and watched half of Billy Zane's vanity project that will probably never be seen again since an evil bank now owns it due to their being owed some serious cash. Then they ate breakfast. Fascinating.

Here is the place the movies were shown at. I think it was called the Westcott something-or-other. A very nice place to have a film festival. The people who threw this great bash were the good folk at Sub Rosa, headed by Ron Bonk. They are a leading distributor of underground b-movies, which is why this was called the B-Movie Film Fest. See? Anyway, it was very well organized and ran smoothly. The movie was very appreciated by the audience, which is so much nicer than the usual.

Here is Eric hanging out with starlet Roxanne Michaels. Of course, she can be seen in tons of movies by Troma and E.I Productions among others. Seconds after this picture was snapped, Eric was holding his bloody nose. No one will talk about what happened, except for David saying "he deserved it."

Here's our heroes with Dwight Kemper, reviewer for Videoscope Magazine. Mr. Kemper was kind enough to let these two poorly-dressed dregs take a picture with him. After that, David and Eric headed back to the comfort of Virginia. The festival lasted another day, but there were commitments they had to take care of. David had to be at a family gathering, while Eric had to... do...something most likely. Anyway, the fest was a great success, and though "23 Hours" lost out to Billy Zane's movie, at least the rights and negative still belong to Piranha Pictures and not an evil bank of evil.

Wow! Look! Wings for only 25 cents each! You could eat a million of them! Oh yeah, and "23 Hours" is playing there too.

Here's the inside of the fabled "Lucky Bar," where the Psychotronic showings are held every Tuesday. It's quite the feather in Piranha Pictures' cap to have a showing here, and everyone is properly humbled. And driven to ego-fueled rampages. Here Eric Thornett and Cash Flagg Jr. (standing) hang with Carl Cephas, who is the main man behind these showings. After the showing, Carl entertained them by showing clips from horrible Hong Kong movies that involved people being skinned alive and vomiting up centipedes.

We made it! Eric Thornett here, furiously typing this so you may vicariously enjoy the trip to Park City for the Slamdance Film Festival! Here I am with Jason Wauer, who decided to come along for a few days. The horrid stink of respectability is now on Piranha Pictures! Riches and fame await us!

Robert Redford didn't invite us here! He didn't buy us no crumpets! So boo to Sundance! But Mr. Redford, if you're reading this, please e-mail me.

Here is Main Street of Park City, where all the action is. Movie stars! Glamour! Flyers all over the place! Delis!

This is the glorious Silvermine, the new home of Slamdance. It was a great place. Lots of room, free magazines, and shuttle service from Park City. The people at Slamdance were great to us. Everyone was very nice.

Here is the line for the opening night party at the Silvermine. It was quite the crowded affair, much like every party during the Park City festivities. Did this many people show up for the movies? Sometimes, but the parties were where it was at!

Here is Jason and I having breakfast/lunch (it's what you eat when you wake up at ten) with some fellow filmmakers, who I was rooming with. I'm shown with Todd Rohal and his girlfriend Courtney Koestler. Todd was at Slamdance as well, representing his short film "Knuckleface Jones." I've seen that film many times, and it's funny every time I see it. It was definitely one of the most-liked films at Slamdance. Of course, Jason is not in this picture because he's taking it.

Jason made many new friends during the few days he was at the festival. If only he had made any human ones. At least he could be talking to a real bear!

OUR FIRST CELEBRITY SIGHTING!

That's Spike from the Spike and Mike Show. Spike is well-known among animation lovers for his traveling tours of both classic animation and his "Sick and Twisted" showcase. He is truly weird and truly hilarious.

Here is a meeting of great animation minds. Spike is joined by Oscar nominee Don Hertzfeldt, who had a film at glorious Sundance.

More stars! Here is the cast for "The Accountant," one of the shorts that played at Slamdance. In fact, I thought it was one of the best films I saw at all of the festivals. From left to right: Walton Goggins, who you've seen in "Shanghai Noon" and "The Apostle," me, Ray McKinnon from "O Brother Where Art Thou," and Eddie King. Ray wrote and directed the film as well as starred in it. He's very talented, and they were a great bunch of guys. I saw Ray quite a bit during my time at Slamdance, and he always took the time to gab. Later they won an Oscar for this film. They deserved it.

Here I am at TromaDance with the man himself, Lloyd Kaufman. Seriously, the most fun I had at any festival in Park City was at TromaDance. Good movies, free sodas and coffee, and lots of babes! Scantily-clad babes I might add. Lloyd was kind enough to sign my "Tromeo and Juliet" DVD as I caught him coming out of the bathroom downstairs, and about five minutes later as I made my way up, he was there waiting for me with more DVDs. He was a great guy, and we at Piranha Pictures love Troma. Viva Troma!

Well well, look who else I ran into at TromaDance. It's Skizz Cyzyk, the grand poohba from Baltimore who runs Microcinefest. Skizz was performing double-duty this year, serving on the jury and acting as projectionist for Slamdance, and he had a new movie, "Star-Spangled Babydoll" playing at TromaDance.

Here's me captured by the scary monsters of Tromaville. Let's see, there's the Killer Condom, Mad Cowboy, of course the Toxic Avenger, Sgt. Kabukiman, and Dolphin Boy. Their hands were all over me!

Back to Slamdance! Me with Todd and Jessica Murnane, who was one of the stars of "Knuckleface Jones."

Here are some flyers for "23 Hours" carefully hidden among the thousands of others.

Here I am blahing about the movie in a rousing Q&A. The four people who attended were very impressed.

Ah, here's the closing-night party at the Silvermine. By this time, I didn't want to go to one more stinkin' party, or even a par-tay. They were all the same, and after an entire week of them, your mind just says no! Please no more music! Or dancing! Or screaming in each other's ear!

Another angle of the party. Did I mention the rousing entertainment, which included a freak show where they drank each other's urine? Ha ha ha! I'm not kidding.

This happy fellow is a representing Bantv.com. He scared me, and gave me a little piggy keychain that when you squeeze it, it poops. Urine-drinking freaks and pooping pigs. Now this is a party!

Here's Todd, me, and Skizz. Todd appears to be having a stroke. Come to think of it, in every photo on this page that he appears in, he seems to be having a stroke. Man, that's a lot of strokes! Hope you're feeling better Todd!

And here's a picture of Park City on my last night. Very peaceful. I cried.

Wait a minute! That's it? Where's the fame? Where's the riches? Where are the women and the slavering fans and the sycophants? And the gobs and gobs of money? I know I already said riches, but I really want some! So I was stomping down the almost-deserted streets of Park City, screaming at the uncaring cosmos and the mocking constellations above, when an old man approached me. He said that maybe it doesn't matter that I didn't make millions of dollars. Maybe it doesn't matter that I'm not famous. Maybe, he suggested, I should just be thankful that I had the opportunity to come to this great event and meet many like-minded people who just want to make great films. Maybe he's right.

OR MAYBE THAT'S A LOAD OF CRAP!!!

I want my millions! I want my sycophants! Here I sit typing this, and I don't even have one single yes-man by my side! It's not fair I tells ya! I hate everyone! I'm going to jump off a tall building, and then everyone will be sorry! You hear me Miramax? You hear me Sony Pictures Classics?

I'ts all your fault that I'll be dead!